I had a beautiful little 3 year old girl. We were best friends. Spent as much time together as we could with me working a full time job.
Well, we decided we wanted a little boy, or whatever it would be once it arrived.
I talked to my little girl about how nice it would be to have someone to help mommy take care of. Share things with once they were big enough. Someone to play with.
All was going good. She was 4 by the time our little girl was born. So excited. We had taken her to have her hair cut. Let her get her ears pierced since she was going to be a big sister. Got her a new born baby doll to take care of and copy what she would see me doing. It even had it's own little bath tub and layette.
Things started happening at 2am on a Monday morning. Grandparents were called later so that my 4 year old would be well taken care of. At the time, you couldn't take your other children to the hospital. I am not sure it's such a good experience for a child to participate in anyway.
So she unwillingly left with her grandparents and soon after we headed to the hospital. Well to cut things short, a sweet little girl arrived weighing 8 pounds one and half ounces.
Things went well. My 4 year old came to visit before I returned home so she would understand where this new addition to the family came from. I thought things were going really well.
The day came to take our new bundle home. We loaded her into the car. The grandparents and other family members were at the house waiting for our new little girl to be brought home.
We arrived at the house, everyone instantly wanted to see the new baby. I gently reminded everyone of how you need to spend some time with our 4 year old first so she would not feel left out. So each and every one of them made some special moments with her. I didn't hold the new baby right away. Left her in her little seat for a little while so I could hug and talk with my 4 year old.
Then when we thought all was good, the baby was introduced. Of course at that time all were asking to hold her. My 4 year old was sitting with me holding her new little baby doll when she turned to me and said, "It's not my fault you had a baby." Then she ran to her room crying.
I was shocked! What had I done wrong?
Well, because I was so close to my 4 year old it tore me up inside. I tried unsuccessfully to talk to her. Finally I gave up and went to my room crying.
We had a house full of guest and my husband was at wits end.
So don't think just because you do it as the book says and it still falls apart, that you are a bad mom. I know I felt that way for awhile. Thought I had to have missed something.
A child's emotions are not predictable. It took more then a doll baby, haircut, pierced ears. It took time and love to reassure her that she was still loved and hadn't been replaced.
She is now the mother of 2 little girls and will be having a third here soon. So she's dealing with the same issues. Let's see how well she does it.
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